The Edge of Perception:

"Can we talk of integration until there is integration of hearts and minds? Unless you have this, you only have a physical presence, and the walls between us are as high as the mountain range."
Chief Dan George

We tend to react to people, places and things based on our individual perceptions. Our perceptions are largely governed by our value systems, childhood, education, culture, family values and so on. Therefore, as individuals, with a wide variety of  experiences, two people can look at the same thing, come up with two entirely different conclusions and both be right - or at least neither is wrong.

Dispute Resolution 101

So it stands to reason that if we can link specific experiences to our perceptions we can determine whether our reactions are accurate or not. If they are inaccurate we should be able to simply adjust our perceptions based on new information and change the way that we act and react with the person, place or thing.

For example; it would be tough to find two people more at the opposite ends of the human condition than me and my Wife. She is detail oriented, organized, structured and very fond of rules and regulations - I am ... ummm ... not. 

We have been in some humdingers as far as disagreements go. 

As our marriage progressed, and the initial, lust-driven, infatuation gave way to the painful process of getting to know each other, we realized we respond to many situations not just differently but, in many cases, the exact opposite of each other. Realizing that we are now stuck with each other, and this was really as good as it gets, we went to work on figuring out how to squash these disputes in the early stages before they got ugly.

Surprisingly it was only a matter of coming to a few simple realizations:

1. Just because I'm right does not mean that she's wrong;
2. Our perceptions together often form a "higher truth";
3. We would rather be wrong and happy than right and single;
4. In a marriage you have to pick your battles and live to fight another day.

This is a simple model for dispute resolution. But it works. 

This works for a community as well as for a household. As a community planner I often deal with opposing perceptions: industry vs. environment, liberal vs. conservative, labour vs, management, Ford vs. Chev, and so on. In my experience the solution is rarely found in either extreme. It is usually found in a combination - or a dialogue between the extremes.

Let's test it against a more complex situation. 

One of the great divides that I have encountered growing up and living in British Columbia is the rift between the Native, or First Nations, people and the non-native people. Here there are many disagreements. Mostly around the management of land and resources, and mostly based on culture and perceptions. 

In the book "The Resettlement of British Columbia" author Cole Harris has constructed an accurate historical geography of British Columbia. He describes BC as being "resettled", not "settled". According to Harris, there was a sophisticated and thriving indigenous population long before the Europeans came in successive waves of fur trade, gold rush and agricultural settlement. The "resettlement" undertaken by Europeans was based on the perception of Terra Nullius or "Empty Land".

So the opposing perceptions were:

1. We (First Nations) had a sophisticated culture, society and economy that was disrupted and crippled by the European resettlement.
2. The land was "empty" and by developing it We (the Settlers) brought commerce and infrastructure that increased the liveability of the land.

In his book, Cole Harris outlines the "Geography of Smallpox". It is historically accepted that the Gold Rush saw 50,000 miners roll through B.C. in 1858 and these largely unwashed miners brought an epidemic of Small Pox that nearly wiped out the indigenous population. 

Harris points out that the Spanish introduced Small Pox to the Indigenous populations of South America in the 17th century. The disease then spread spread north into the USA and Canada through trade routes and war parties into the American Plains and finally across the Rocky Mountains into B.C. long before European resettlement. 

Based on journals of the Hudson's Bay fur traders, Royal Engineers and early Gold Commissioners, Harris estimates a 98% depopulation of First Nations people prior to the first European arriving on British Columbian soil.

If Harris is correct then the idea of Terra Nullius is an inaccurate perception. The problem is that Terra Nullius is embedded in our history, stories, laws and legislation. There's a lot at stake in these perceptions. Coming to a common understanding on this matter may be a tall order; however, if we could re-educate the population on these ideas, and alter the perceptions of the non-natives regarding Terra Nullius, there would be less friction around the Land Question in BC.

When we talk about the complex applications of a simple principle like "two people can disagree and both be right" it gets messy. There's not much we can do about the thinking of a generation. We can influence the thinking in our homes and practice these simple principles of tolerance and understanding with each other. 

For now my wife and I will continue to adjust our perceptions to avoid arguing about what the best route is to drive from our place to the Starbucks. By passing this on to our kids by example we hope that the introduction of new ideas and changing of perceptions will not come as difficultly as it does to the rest of us.

Best, Sam Edge
The Edge on Strategy

The Edge of 2014: Resolutions, Goals and Values

It's just past midnight on New Years Eve - 2014 is here! I have a house full of kids on a sleepover - all crazy and hopped upon sugar and my in-laws are over for "games night". I wont get in to specifics, suffice to say this is a substantial departure from my younger days. I had planned to post something on resolutions today - but I kept getting side-tracked.

This is my better-late-than-never-post.

Resolutions are just another term for goals. It is widely accepted that setting goals is a good thing. We set short, medium and long term goals all the time. Even if we don't realize it. Sometimes they work out - sometimes they don't. When they don't we take a look at what happened, make the appropriate adjustments and move forward. In our day to day life this is an easy pill to swallow.

So why all the depression and anxiety around New Years Resolutions?

I've been hearing all day about how resolutions always fall apart in the spring and then we get depressed. So why bother? It's to the point the people get angry and animated when talking about resolutions. Rather than being a chance to practice our goal setting techniques, New Years Resolutions have be become a symbol of failure. It is so bad that suicide increases in the spring are directly attributed to failed resolutions. It takes real effort to turn a sound opportunity for growth into a fatal liability.

But it doesn't have to be this way. I embrace this time of year as time to set goals - a time for a gut-check. It's a great time to reflect on the year that passed, set my sites on the year ahead and put some thought into what I want more of in my life? Personally, I have had a rough couple of years dealing with a bitter custody dispute. I even had problems with addiction rear their ugly head after well over a decade of sobriety. Now, things are sorting themselves out on all fronts and I am feeling stronger that ever. I'm thinking 2014 is going to be a great year.

I recommend using S.M.A.R.T. goals:

• Specific: Our goals should be directly related to our project vision and have a tangible effect on manifesting our vision in our lives.
• Measurable: We want to ensure that we have a quantitative element to our goals so there is no ambiguity as to whether they have been achieved or not. We should be able to strike them off a list as “complete” or “incomplete”
• Achievable: We want our goals to be challenging but possible. A successful strategy for this is to break large goals into a series of smaller ones. We do need to use discretion here and find balance between change and intimidation.
• Relevant: We don’t want to create work. Life is short and economy of our efforts is a key to success. We should be checking back to our vision and ensuring there is a real link to our vision with all of our goals.
• Time-framed: When we set our goals there must always be a time element such as, “This goal will be completed by” or “to do x.y.z. every 2 weeks”. This gives us a schedule and also makes our goals more specific and measurable.

With this framework in place I look the the big three - Family, Work and Health - and identify the priority goals I want to achieve for 2014. By using this accountability framework I've given myself the best chance for success. 

I may fall short. The best laid plan of mice and men ...

If plans go awry, we adapt. It is a double whammy when we let the unrealized goals get to us. First, we didn't achieve what we wanted. And second, we beat ourselves up. This sucks vital energy from us and makes success difficult if not impossible.  To help take away the sting of failure, we look beyond the goals and identify the Values that these goals represent. We make sure those values are consistent with who we are and what we want in life. 

Values may include:

1. Love

2. Health

3. Peace

4. Freedom

These are the things that we want more of in 2014. If we get to April and discover that the specific goals we chose to achieve these values are unrealistic, we simply revisit the SMART goal model. Success and happiness are no longer tied to a set of goals - they are based on values. 

We are successful as long we work towards, and not away from, these values. 

For 2014 I wish you all the love, health, peace and freedom you and your families can manage. 

Best, Sam Edge 

The Edge of Consciousness: Success, Stress and Meditation

Successful people know their limitations. 

We know that there is only so much we can do - especially as we get older. In our twenties there are no limits to the amount of energy we can spend. We are able to waste time figuring out what we are doing and still find success because we have the spare energy to make up for lost time.

For most of us it is somewhere around thirty that we realize this was an unsustainable model. We have limits and if we were going to continue to be successful we can no longer rely on brute strength and volume. We have to find way to produce the same amount with less effort. 

We have to become more efficient - this requires strategic thinking. 

As we grow older this trend continues. So does the quest for efficiency. With the technology and communication revolution exploding around us, we are expected to produce more than ever. Between our work and family there is more to do than hours in the day. We end up sacrificing down time, recreation and social outlets to meet our demanding schedule. 

This recipe for disaster leads to burn-out, anxiety and depression. When we reach this crisis point we desperately need rest. We seek out our family doctor. She starts us on depression and anxiety medications that mask our symptom and allow us to carry on in this unsustainable pace. 

Finally we crash all together.

At least thats what happened to me. I was able to maintain this pace until I turned forty. I had been running on fumes for a few years by this time. I was still producing as much as ever. In fact my late thirties were the most successful years of my life - professionally. My family life and health suffered. When some personal tragedies fell on our home I was out of energy and my health gave up on me. 

It's funny how life steps in and sets your priorities for you when you fail to do so. I have been forced to work on my efficiencies first and let go of my perfectionism and workaholic behaviours. The job for me now is to find balance in my life. I can complicate the process. 

But it can be as simple as doing more of what works and less of what doesn't.

Taking time for reflection and introspection is critical. I grew up around meditation, my mother has taught Transcendental Meditation (TM) since I was a baby. With TM you sit quietly and repeat a "mantra" twice a day for twenty minutes. I have long understood the value of meditation and the need to clear our minds and get a break from "compulsive thinking". 

When the Buddhists talk about "enlightenment" it is described as, "the absence of suffering". The word suffering can be replaced with compulsive thinking. So mediation, and relief from thinking, may be the single most important activity we can undertake to achieve happiness, peace and success.

Unfortunately for me, sitting quietly for twenty minutes is akin to water board torture.

Fortunately, over the years I have been able to find suitable replacements for "traditional" meditation practices. In Eckart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" he tells us taking a single breath can give us enough of a break from thought to make a difference. I have found repetitive exercise such as swimming, or running works well. As a martial arts practitioner, the moving meditation of forms, or Kata, and repetitive drills also provides the break i needed. Even a short break from compulsive thinking can increase our focus and efficiency. 

We all need a break from our thinking. The absolute inability to control thought ultimately leads to insanity. 

This is why so many people shoot themselves in the head when they commit suicide - the damn thing won't shut up. 

I have recently found a new type of meditation that has produced some truly astounding results in a short period of time. It's called binaural beats technology. I won't get into the science behind it. I have been doing it for at least twenty minutes a day for the last few days. I can say that not only does it work in quieting my mind, but I don't have any trouble sitting for the twenty minutes. 

I will be investigating this more. For now I will leave you with the sample below to try for your self. The only thing you need to know is it can be played at lower volumes, you have to use stereo headphones for it to work and you should not listen while driving. 

Find a quiet place and sit and enjoy a break. 

Please leave a comment and let me know what your experience was.

Best, Sam Edge
Check out the Edge On Strategy

The Edge on Father / Daughter Relationships

According to my family mythology surrounding parenting, boys teach mothers and girls teach fathers. I'm sure there are exceptions, however, it has enough credibility to survive a few generations, especially with my First Nations (Native Canadian) relatives. The fact that I have three daughters certainly supports this notion. I call it a Myth because it really has no grounding in scientific or measurable facts, yet it explains events that are beyond our control.

My girls are, by far, my greatest teachers. 

The most intense relationship, for lack of a better word, is with my twelve year old. She is the product of a previous relationship that fell apart shortly after she was born. Her mother was younger than me. The responsibility of motherhood was too much for her at the time. As a result, I took on most of the parenting responsibility for the first ten years. My first daughter my "Starter Child", teaching me to parent through trial and error. 

My parenting philosophy is to ensure the child grows up feeling safe and loved at all times and above all else (and not to let her be the stinky kid in school). 

By ensuring she felt safe and loved growing up we now have a strong and healthy relationship that can weather life's obstacles. 

If you have followed my blogs or read my books, you will know I use my life's experience as the foundation for my writing. I believe that lessons learned from trial and error have weight and depth. Further, the more work that a particular lesson requires the more valuable it is. I don't share my experience until I have reached some sort of internal resolution. My writing objective is not to use the world as a sounding board while I work out life's challenges. (Although the writing process can lead to amazing self discovery). My writing objective is to help others by sharing what I learned from life's challenges once I have worked through them.  

In 2012 I lost a bitter custody dispute. My oldest went to live with her mother, nine hours away. In the course of 24 hours my family was chopped by twenty-five percent. Working through this has been simultaneously the most difficult and most rewarding experiences of my near half-century on the planet. This reaffirms one of my core beliefs that:

Difficult times are opportunities to become better, stronger and faster than before. 

As a direct result of this dispute, we have a co-parenting agreement where my daughter is able to rebuild the relationship with her mother while maintaining her connection to me, my wife and her sisters. Although, the role I will play in her teenage years is not what I had expected, or wanted, things have turned out just fine, if not even better, for her (shhhhhh, don't tell my ex I said that). It is a crushing blow to my male pride and ego to have to take a back seat to her mom in the parenting for the next few years; however, it is her happiness, not mine, that I am concerned with. In the end she will have a balanced upbringing with the benefit of a close tie to both parents. 

In retrospect, it was the family mythology of daughters teaching fathers that I leaned on to make it through the dark times of dispute and separation anxiety. It gave me faith that everything would work out. I was able to actively seek out the hidden lessons and be grateful for them as they manifested. It is a perfect example of the Power of Myth that I have been writing about recently. 

In times of crisis we lean on our stories to overcome the fear of the unknown - we are even willing to suspend logic.

Currently, my Daughter is with me for three weeks over Christmas. It's been a tough eighteen months for the poor kid and she's a little shell-shocked from it all. I have years of practice working through the tough times, she doesn't. For the first few days of her visit she was stand-offish and tense. The conflict between her parents had taken an obvious toll. It was like she was waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for me to drag her into the conflict she desperately wants no part of.

I sat her down and explained that we were both grieving since our relationship changed and getting used to idea that life is going to unfold differently than we'd expected. I told her "different" could be hard and scary but it was up to us how it turned out. 

I ensured her things could be better than ever if we worked together. 

I told her I was just figuring things out as I went along and if something I did made her feel uncomfortable or sad she should speak up. I told her it was okay for her to grieve in her own way too and if she had any questions she should ask. Most of all I told her we should take it easy on each other and remember deep down that we love each other and we're on the same side. I ended by sharing the family myth about her being my teacher and thanked her for all she'd done for me.

It was like turning on a light. You could see her changing from low to high frequency as the fear and anxiety melted away.  Gone was the fear of the unknown - she felt safe and loved. Since then the tension is gone and our connection is even stronger than before. These are the lessons that stick with us. They are even better when we can share them. 

In moments like this, being a parent is the best and most important thing I've ever done.

Kind Regards, Sam Edge

The Next RIght Thing ...

Happy Humpday,

On October 15, 2013 I got over 1,300 hits on my Poetry Blog. This is more than ten times my average traffic of roughly 100 hits per day(hpd). Now, before I launch into a speech about how hard work and perseverance pays off and the complex inner workings of critical mass and tipping point dynamics, I will disclose the following:

I have no friggin' clue what I did right.

If you follow my Poetry Blog and can offer any insight please let me know so I can do it again. I looked at all the obvious variables and I can find nothing unusual.  It closely followed a poem I wrote for the passing of my Grandma so ... um .... well... I'm not really sure what to say about that.

Ultimately, I have surrendered to the reality that even a broken clock is right twice a day and my explosion in hits was the result of the Chaos Theory in action. That is, all the moving parts lined up strictly as a result of repetition and inevitable coincidence and nothing to do with my highly contested brilliance.  

Doing the Next Right Thing

The older I get the more I realize that "less is more". As a young buck I adhered to a "run fast - hit hard" paradigm. This, combined with a tendency to over-think things, was inefficient and I did a lot of work with marginal results. The only reason I had any success at all was I had endless energy and I could afford to run down numerous dead ends before getting it right.  

This frantic pace proved to be unsustainable and by the time I hit forty I was burning blue smoke out of every orifice (and leaking from a few gaskets). Now, I've spent the better part of a decade learning how to do more with less. One of the keys is to put 100% into everything I do. This requires more than simple brute strength - it requires some strategic thinking. Such as:

1. Do one thing at a time.
2. Do what is in front of me first.
3. Don't do other peoples work.
4. Identify my strengths and weaknesses.
5. Do more of what I'm good at.
6. Delegate what I suck at.

These are some of the basic strategic elements in no particular order of living an efficient life. It can be summarized by: "Do the Next Right Thing". If I do what is in front of me to the best of my ability the next thing requires much less effort. Conversely, if I am preoccupied with past or future things, I expend more energy and produce less and lower quality. 

Hardly rocket science, however, it has worked well for me. If you find your self jammed up over a thing. Stop. Do the next right thing and nothing else.  Rinse and repeat. You will find nothing is insurmountable - at least this is my experience. In the case of my mysterious increase in hits, the next right thing is writing this Post.

Now it's time for a coffee break. 

Enjoy the rest of Hump Day, Sam