I enjoyed the Misfit Trilogy and muddling my way though the idea "fitting in". Writing about some of my experiences in "Notes from the Edge" and some of my fictions in "Collateral Damn-edge", (or is it the other way around?) has become a journey of self discovery and changed perceptions. Invariably when I try to report to you folks something about myself - it's not something I already knew - it is new information that I uncover about myself and the World around me during the writing process.
When I transfer thoughts from my brain to the page, I realize how little I really know and understand about myself.
Sempei ... Sempei |
I re-read my Misfit Trilogy today and realized that it was loaded with new information. So many of my thoughts are based on old ideas and I have truly come to appreciate it when new ones pop up. During the few days when I was writing my Misfit posts, circling around the topic, I changed some of my perceptions.
Not earth shattering, epiphany type changes ... tweaks.
As I muddle, trudge and stumble my way though life, trying to do the next right thing, that's really what its come down to ... tweaks. Small and conscious changes in my perceptions and understandings that make my life better and make me a better father, writer and yes even a better misfit. I am starting to finally play well with the other Misfits. This ability to change perceptions is not easy to come by. I have certain old ideas that I have been locked up in for years - Some I still am and others it's a work in progress. But even though these ideas are old and sometimes unhealthy they are comfortable - I know what I'm up against. New ideas don't feel right - they're like new clothes all stiff and scratchy. I had to be beat into a state of reasonableness by Life to become willing to take on these new ideas and break them in.
Circumstance rather than virtue is the Story of my Life.
After all the complicated self-examination and lofty verbiage I have a "new idea". I have come to the grand conclusion that I should treat Life the way I want to be treated. I should do to Life what I want Life to do to me. This sounds strangely familiar. I am pretty sure I've heard this before...
I receive compassion when I act compassionately - respect when I act respectfully.
I lost this basic bit of Life along the way some how. I may be a Misfit but no more than the next guy. Life is messy and unpredictable and we all have to find our way. When I embrace the messiness and just keep trudging things go well and when I try to figure it out and fix it - not so much.
If I can help my kids figure this out a little quicker than I did I would be getting a little "Edge on Fatherhood"?
Respectfully from the Edge.
Very touching! And very understandable fatherly intents.
ReplyDeleteYet, your kids have to do it themselves no matter how hard you try to save them that.
Very true Deema as much as I want to wrap them up in a big blanket of love and do it for them ...
ReplyDeleteIt's really moving!
DeleteYour kids are lucky to have you as their father.
You said something about being able to make some changes with your perceptions. I find it hard to do so. Deema
Awe thanks Deema. That means so much to hear. Ys changing perception is a working progress. I takes time and sometimes things just stick. But I believe if you are open to change good things will happen.
DeleteWe come to a point in our lives when 'good' things stay good and 'bad' things stay bad."Circumstance rather than virtue is the Story of my Life"
DeleteDo you mean the circumstances of being a father?! Does having kids have this power of making one change the way he/she looks to life?!!
Deema
Well "good and bad" are states of mind to some degree. Nor every one agrees in this. I mean, if I can find value in the "Bad things" then its all good. I think. Circumstance rather than virtue means that I did it because I had to not because I had any noble intent. And YES 1000% having kids has changed the way I see life. It changed the very definition of life and whats worth living and dying for.
DeleteYou reminded me of a post +Mark Bloom shared once about how our morals, and maybe thoughts and beliefs are changable due to circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI loved when you said that some of our 'noble' deeds are actually not noble at all. They are reactions we had to take.
I like the +Mark Bloom post I will follow him as well. I love your comments Deema. I have transfered your posts to my comments section of my Blog under the comments section. YOu get there by clicking www.edgeynotes.com and scrolling down to the comment lik near the bottom of the post. I am trying ot generate dialogue with my posts and, again, your insights are very appreciated :)
DeleteThanks Deema and Sam for your dialogue. Notes on Fatherhood makes me wonder about the Mother of Faiths like Christianity, Jewish Tradition, and Muslim religions, with the Pope (the grand "Father" of the Catholic faith) stepping down (is that the first time that's happened; I don't know.) So what I'vw wondered, all my life: Where is Mother God...who is God the Father's wife? I don't know if it's "Mother Nature." Wikipedia says, "Yin is female and yang is male. They fit together as two parts of a whole. Yin and Yang theory says Yin and yang are actually complementary, not opposing, [right~o, tell THAT to a family court Judge!!], forces interacting to form a whole greater than either separate part; in effect, a dynamic system. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, (for instance shadow cannot exist without light). Either of the two major aspects may manifest more strongly in a particular object, depending on the criterion of the observation. It is impossible to talk about yin or yang without some reference to the opposite, since yin and yang are bound together as parts of a mutual whole (for example, there cannot be the bottom of the foot without the top). A way to illustrate this idea is to postulate the notion of a race with only men or only women; this race would disappear in a single generation. Yet, men and women together create new generations that allow the race they mutually create (and mutually come from) to survive. The interaction of the two gives birth to things. Yin and yang transform each other: like an undertow in the ocean, every advance is complemented by a retreat, and every rise transforms into a fall. Thus, a seed will sprout from the earth and grow upwards towards the sky—an intrinsically yang movement. Then, when it reaches its full potential height, it will fall."(Yin?)
ReplyDeleteSam & Deema...rules without relationship breeds rebellion. Familiarity breeds contempt. The keys to successful parenting, whether yin or yang (father or mother) is to ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN, above all!!! Fun humor (laughing with and not at) goes the distance. I am approaching my 52nd birthday, with three grown children. My husband and i claim that other of us act like a child more often than not...therefore, depending on the day, we have four children and sometimes five! If you remember anything from these words, make life as fun as possible....whether yin or yang...let your focus ENJOY every moment, renewing your energy! :)
Agreed Trusty. Its about our similarities not our differences right. I lover your comments and especially the reference to yin ad yang.
ReplyDeleteThat is a new idea you'll have to leave that with me as I process. Always open up my mind when you share :)
WOW. That is a great compliment Thank you....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSam -
ReplyDeleteI experience the same steps:
1/ thinking that I know something
2/ start typing
3/ realizing I actually don't know much about it, or that it's more than I thought
4/ deciding that I'm gonna say something anyway, at least to clear confusion for myself.
Shedding light on ideas seems to be a meaningful process...As long as we accept the job of going down the mine and working relentlessly to extract value for ourselves and others.
Always great to read you.
gael blanchemain
Hey thanks for stopping by a Gael - I've been enjoying you posts as well :)
ReplyDeleteI was thinkin' after I wrote this that my really good posts seem to be those that I Write when I'm winging it rather that when I think I know what I'm doing - just proves I have no idea what's good for me.
Hoppe you are well.