The Edge of Disputes

My wife and I get along pretty good - for a married couple. As much as we like each other we do get into arguments from time to time. For the most part we are able to avoid arguing because we are rarely both crazy at the same time. Usually when one gets crazy the other one can put on the grown up hat and take one for the team.

Every once in a while, however, our crazy lines up. Then there's really no out. We will both be stressed-out or over-tired, or whatever it is that triggered crazy, and something ridiculous will set off the argument. 

The other day I was chasing a deadline and rushing to get some work done after a night of no sleep with 15 cups of coffee in me. Concurrently my wife had been up all night wrestling with our 6 month old who is breast feeding and and teething at the same time - using her nipple as both a milk dispenser and a teething ring (ouch).

We were both at our wits end and to top it off our 6 year old got a bladder infection. System failure. So, genius that I am, I say something to the effect that our daughter wouldn't be sick if only my wife didn't do this or did more of that. It is so ridiculous that I can't even remember the logic. In this case I was clearly being a dick head. Now in order to keep this from escalating to the next level one of two things had to happen:

1.  I had to immediately apologize for what I said and take it back, or
2. She had to immediately forgive me and understand I was having a moment.

On a good day both of these thing would have happened. On an average day one of us would have stepped up and diffused the bomb. But on this day, when crazy was running the house, we both dug in our heels. So we stomped and mumbled and pouted for a while and ultimately went to our seperate corners and came out hugging. 

In the end reason did prevail. I apologized and she forgave me and we lived happily ever after. Wouldn't it be great if we could bypass the shenanigans and find a fail proof way from stopping these disputes in their tracks? Often it is only a well placed word that is the difference between a tense moment and complete system failure. When I asked my 6 year-old daughter what we could do to stop crazy in it's tracks she shrugged and said; "well Dad, you guys should just not argue in the first place". 

Now why didn't we think of that?

Respectfully, From the Edge...

The Edge on Writing

I seem to be constantly defining and then redefining myself here on "Notes from the Edge". I don't know what that's like from your end but from where I'm sitting it's exhausting. I tend to write from the heart and let the keyboard do the thinking as it were. From a strategic perspective, however, I also want to know what it is that I am writing about and who it is that I am writing to so I can organize my efforts accordingly. 

I declared myself a professional writer on January 01, 2013. In reality, I have been making my living off my laptop for the last 15 years or more. This is my personal Blog - I don't selling anything here and I never will (there may come a day when you will see advertising in my sidebar but I promise - no pop ups and no soliciting. This is where I share my experiences and thoughts with the world.

As for a definition so far I have come up with: 

"'Notes from the Edge' is about me, Sam Edge, sharing my experience, strength and hope with the other Humans about how I get along in the World by trying to do the next right thing."

So, I have been writing as a professional for awhile now. It has become part of who I am, part of my  experiences - since this is where I share my experiences I thought I would share how that's been going so far.

I am still feeling out the freelance writing landscape - and it is a jungle out there. Up until January, I took on all kinds of other project responsibilities including the report writing and business communications. Translating this into viable freelance experience has been challenging. The job boards are very competitive. I have been offered as low as $1 for 500 words. This would equal between $10 and $50 a week. The crazy thing is there is competition out there at this price. 

I have managed to earn a few thousand dollars freelancing since I made my declaration in January.  This has come from online job boards like Elance, Guru and Craigs List. I would say I am running about 5% of what I apply for on these sites. At this rate of approval this is tough slugging - I am spending more time applying for work than writing. 

I had to set a minimum that I am willing to work for. For me anything less  than 10 cents a word is just not worth it. The two sites I have added recently are Freelance Switch and Funds For Writers. Freelance Switch cost $7 a month and there aren't a million jobs, but the ones they do have are decent paying and there isn't 500 people bidding at 5 cents a page. FFW has newsletters and gives "freelance markets tips" these are direct contact with magazines and periodicals that publish freelance writing. The pay is good - between 10 cents to $2 / word. To make it in this industry you have to break into these markets.

The biggest problem I have is the sheer volume of information out there it is so easy to get sidetracked and spend a whole day wading through websites with no results. I also have the two blogs where I post my opinion, poetry and short stories. As I said earlier, this blog is where I can share pieces of myself trying to help others and establishing a bit of a presence on the web. My other blog Collateral Damn-Edge is purely for the love of writing. Lately I have been doing more pieces but short ones - mostly poems. This is vital for preventing atrophy of my writing muscles - and I love it. I love the English langaue and how ofter all these years there are still incalculable combinations of words and punctuation that have never been done ... yet. I believe: 

"the right words, in the right order at the right time can change the world".  

I don't think I heard that anywhere else, but it could have been said before - until I find another person who claims this I am taking credit.... and you can quote me.

The point I was trying to make is that between looking for work and writing for fun there's not much left over for making money. I am still working on the whole balance thing in my life. My experience is that I have to make all these mistakes at least once. I very much appreciate the veteran writer who takes their time to advise us newbies and offer direction.  So in turn I will share the bits of useful information as it comes my way. 

The good news for writers is that there is an abundance of freelance writing work out there and hardworking competent writers will always be in demand. I love writing this blog and I will continue to do so freely and as authentically as I can along with my poetry and fiction on the sister blog "Collateral Damn-edge". I am always nagging my readers to leave Comments - its the only way I know I'm not talking to myself. If you don't like commenting you can just click the gadget on the sidebar menu that looks says:

"me + you = us"

Sorry about the long post but I do think that we as a community need to stick together by sharing our experiences. Plus what do you expect - a short post? I am a writer  after all...

Respectfully from the Edge

The Edge on Easter

Happy Easter,

Looking out my office window today :)

Easter is my favourite holiday. Not because I now live in a Christian house - which I do. I married a very Christian wife and I became a Christian by default. I don't attend the services much - I call myself "Christian Light" or  a "Decaffeinated Christian" - but I do believe in God and the trinity. Where I get in trouble with my Christian brothers is I also believe in the Buddha and the Native American Creator and even some of the ideas around Intelligent Design. Even if you're not Christian, the Easter Story has a lot of relevant meaning. 

For years I thought Easter was when Jesus came out of his cave and if he saw his shadow it was 6 weeks until spring.

My wife informed me that's not the case. It about rebirth. Well that's not much of a stretch. All I have to do is look out my window to be see rebirth. In my corner of the World we are melting out from under the last bits of winter this time of year. In some corners of the World there is no winter, and that must be cool to a certain degree, but I like my four seasons. 

Winter makes Spring better. 

For me it is nature that defines Spring and rebirth. The Sun gets stronger and warmer,  the plants and trees get greener and brighter, flowers start growing and the animals are waking up from their hibernation and coming into the valleys to drink from melting lakes and streams and have their babies ... 

It is rebirth - and it's my favourite time of year - the Christian story about Jesus rising from the dead fits nicely with all this.

Most doctors will only allow their patients to stop taking depression medication in spring because it is when people's spirits are the highest and depression levels are the lowest. I get seasonally depressed - but for me it's in the Summer because I've got my winter fat and I don't look too good in a bathing suit anymore :s 

Easter is a good time of year for Mulligans - or  Do-overs. We get a nice four-day weekend to reflect on how our year is going so far. Its been a few months since New Years resolution and maybe we aren't where thought we'd be.  Easter is the time for new beginnings so why not cut ourselves some slack today. Take a little inventory of where we are and where we want to be and start over - reset starting .... NOW! I've come to understand suffering is optional. 

So today I'm opting out of suffering. 

Hey, I still have eight months left in the year to take it all back but a fresh start today won't hurt. Who knows maybe it will even stick. So, anyways, happy Easter Folks! Enjoy some family time, easter bunny chocolate, turkey and don't forget to give yourself a break.

Respectfully From the Edge.

The Edge of Irish ..

Happy St Patrick day! I hope you all found something green to wear today. 

I was thinking about how we identify ourselves and what it really means to be Irish. I call myself Irish mostly because being Irish is cool lately - not so much a hundred years ago. But really the only nationality I can identify myself with is a Canadian and even that is questionable because my father was born in London England. The truth is I am quite the mutt - although there is definitely a British Island theme to my genealogy. 

So, here it goes - I am:

1. British
2. Irish
3. Scottish 
4. Welsh
5. German

Which makes me an arrogant, alcoholic, cheapskate with a quick temper and a superiority complex. My one Grandpa was mostly Irish but ironically he came from Manchester England.  Basically the Brits came over to Ireland and took his shit and put him to work in the coal mines, or so the story goes. 

I'm not sure what any of this really means but when we get to that point of our life where we really start questioning who we are, this whole lack of national identity doesn't help. Being Canadian doesn't make it any clearer. 

We Canadians are defined by our lack of definition. 

So when people ask me what Nationality I am I have been saying Irish - but technically I'm Irish-ish. I am really just as British - maybe even more so. But after Braveheart who wants to be British - thanks for that Mel Gibson.  

I've written before about being "fragmented". This whole idea that in different circumstances we act different to try to fit in with the other Humans. Over the years this fragmentation takes it's toll on our identity and we can lose ourselves in the Mythology we have created when trying to define ourselves.

The antithesis of fragmentation is individuation - the reconciliation of the fact that we are defined as a sum of our parts - not any one random piece of the puzzle. The truth is that I'm not any one of these Nationalities - I'm all of them.  I'm not Irish per say - but being Irish is part of who I am. We are all a unique combination of biology, genealogy, experiences and reactions that has never been put together in exactly the same way as it has in you or me. 

Thank God for that!  

This is the core of "Notes from the Edge" - it is my attempt to explain Life from the outside looking in. As an individual, unique in every way, constructed by a series of random events, I am the sum of those events - this Chaos. Embracing this Chaos as my true Creator, giving up on fighting and vainly trying to control conditions beyond control is the path to freedom from the bondage of Self. It is how I am able to exist in peace and harmony with my surroundings and the  other Humans. 

So, happy St Patricks Day whether your Irish or Irish-ish or just another Misfit trying to get through the day as best you can. 

In honor of my Irish Grandpa I'll leave you with this Old Irish Verse

May the roads rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sunshine warmly on your face.

And the rains fall softly upon your fields.

And until we meet again

May God hold you 

In the palm of His hand. 

Respectfully from The Edge.

The Edge on Reconciliation

There is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. 

One of my early posts in my Notes from the Edge was on forgiveness. You can follow the link and have a look but I basically explore the idea that we, as Humans, need to forgive to get past the wreckage of our pasts and also to overcome the guilt and shame that is associated with our own wrong doings that may require forgiveness.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" sums it up nicely.

The thing about forgiveness is that we can do it in isolation of the other Humans - it is between us and Our Creator / The Universe / God / god. There is peace that comes from forgiveness and there is no question it is a noble pursuit - but we can forgive completely and still have broken relationships. The relationship may stay broken because, even though there is true forgiveness, there is not reconciliation.

Reconciliation involves both parties of the wrong that required forgiveness to get together and "reconcile" their differences.

This can be tricky. I can forgive but still acknowledge that the person who wronged me is in the wrong and although they are forgiven their actions are still not condoned. It only requires an act of passive benevolence to forgive. To reconcile we need a willing partner - we also need to be willing. 

Do we want to be right or happy?

If we want to be happy it is not important to beat a confession out of the other party - we may be able to rise above the situation and be an agent of reconciliation. But we must be careful not to sell ourselves out here. As humans we deserve closure on wrongs done and that closure is in the hands of those that wronged us. 

We run the risk of exposing ourselves to further wrongs, even abuse, by chasing after unattainable closure. 

Ultimately we have to make that call. When reconciliation is attainable I believe that we need to do everything we can to achieve it. When it's not we need to throw in the towel early and not "throw good money after bad" as it were.

We shouldn't let the vain pursuit of reconciliation undermine the good works we have accomplished in forgiveness. 

When we are dealing with primary relationships this is difficult - to let go of closure. To accept that there is no hope for reconciliation. This is emotionally charged territory and we are unlikely to make good decisions all the time. We should step back a,nd borrow a page from the Alcoholics Saying:

God, Grant me the Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can 

and the wisdom to know the difference

Respectfully, from the Edge