The Secret to Living Life On Purpose

The other day I told my 7-year daughter to ask me anything about any subject, and promised to answer her truthfully.

Without skipping a beat, she said, “Who made God?”

B-Bang! She had that one right in the chamber. I was thinking something more like “why her big sister has a different Mommy”, or even, “where do babies come from?”

But she’s at the age where some things don’t quite add up. Even the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny have fallen under suspicion. She’s obviously been thinking about this and hasn’t heard an answer that makes sense to her.

It’s a fair question.

We’ve all taken a shot at it - awake at night trapped in a never-ending loop, ‘if God created the universe, then who created God?

Retire From The Debating Society

When it comes to divine intelligence we are in good company, the greatest thinkers throughout history have wrestled with our origin story. It’s the single greatest cause of war and in history. Billions of people have died defending or asserting their understanding of God.

If we want to argue over God, there’s no shortage of ammunition. Picking holes in historical contradictions and pointing out the hypocrisies of religion is easy – and a complete waste of time.  

What difference does it make if we crawled from primordial ooze, the Garden of Eden or a Raven’s egg? It’s the quality of our actions today that count. We all have to choose our own path. If we’re lucky we find one that works for us, and move on. But some get stuck and spend months, years, decades defending, arguing and condemning.

This is where faith comes in – either in God, science, or something in between. Until we decide where we want to put our faith, we are lost in the muck of uncertainty and endless debate.

Among other things, faith is great for winning arguments. My wife is a devout Christian. She grew up in the Church and it’s all she’s ever known.

She also has a science degree. I found this to be an unacceptable contradiction. I demanded she explain how she reconciles the two. She told me she doesn’t. She believes in God, and science, and doesn’t bother with the contradictions.

I began to explain to her a strategy for mounting a proper argument. She stopped me mid-sentence, and said, “Who said we were arguing.”

That shut me up.

I learned a lot from her simple, elegant approach to religion and science. This happy acceptance is a quality that I have struggled with. It comes from the confidence of knowing who you are and what you believe – and not fighting it.

This is the advantage to true conviction of belief.

Living Life On Purpose 

Once we free up our minds from the debating society treadmill, we can put this energy to good purpose.  We can focus on taking actions that make our lives better today. There will always be high-minded ideas that we can indulge in. But let’s not indulge in them at the expense of today’s happiness or the happiness of those around us.

There is no shortage of things we can do today that can make a difference. Boring things like:

1.     Recycling and caring for the planet,

2.     Reading to our kids,

3.     Spending time with our spouses,

4.     Helping others and being kind,

5.     Developing and sharing our creativity.

These are small things we can do to make the world a better place – giving back, communicating and creating beauty. They are also the things that get lost in the shuffle when we indulge in endless, internal, debates about unknowable subjects. If we have energy to spare, why not put this to good purpose?

In the end, I took the easy way out with my daughter’s question about God. I told her it was not something 7-year olds need to worry about, and one day she was going to have to figure it out for herself - but not today.

Then I read her a book about princesses.

·      How are you making the world a better place?

·      What could you do more of?

·      What’s stopping you?

Please leave answers, or comments below.

Best, Sam Edge

P.S. I’m just getting ready to launch a website on career and employment services “The Edge on Resumes”.  This site will focus on providing free advise for your professional life and review helpful websites and services. Check it out.

As always you can visit The Edge on Strategy for more about me and how to hire me for your writing projects.

The Edge of Disputes

My wife and I get along pretty good - for a married couple. As much as we like each other we do get into arguments from time to time. For the most part we are able to avoid arguing because we are rarely both crazy at the same time. Usually when one gets crazy the other one can put on the grown up hat and take one for the team.

Every once in a while, however, our crazy lines up. Then there's really no out. We will both be stressed-out or over-tired, or whatever it is that triggered crazy, and something ridiculous will set off the argument. 

The other day I was chasing a deadline and rushing to get some work done after a night of no sleep with 15 cups of coffee in me. Concurrently my wife had been up all night wrestling with our 6 month old who is breast feeding and and teething at the same time - using her nipple as both a milk dispenser and a teething ring (ouch).

We were both at our wits end and to top it off our 6 year old got a bladder infection. System failure. So, genius that I am, I say something to the effect that our daughter wouldn't be sick if only my wife didn't do this or did more of that. It is so ridiculous that I can't even remember the logic. In this case I was clearly being a dick head. Now in order to keep this from escalating to the next level one of two things had to happen:

1.  I had to immediately apologize for what I said and take it back, or
2. She had to immediately forgive me and understand I was having a moment.

On a good day both of these thing would have happened. On an average day one of us would have stepped up and diffused the bomb. But on this day, when crazy was running the house, we both dug in our heels. So we stomped and mumbled and pouted for a while and ultimately went to our seperate corners and came out hugging. 

In the end reason did prevail. I apologized and she forgave me and we lived happily ever after. Wouldn't it be great if we could bypass the shenanigans and find a fail proof way from stopping these disputes in their tracks? Often it is only a well placed word that is the difference between a tense moment and complete system failure. When I asked my 6 year-old daughter what we could do to stop crazy in it's tracks she shrugged and said; "well Dad, you guys should just not argue in the first place". 

Now why didn't we think of that?

Respectfully, From the Edge...

The Edge on Writing

I seem to be constantly defining and then redefining myself here on "Notes from the Edge". I don't know what that's like from your end but from where I'm sitting it's exhausting. I tend to write from the heart and let the keyboard do the thinking as it were. From a strategic perspective, however, I also want to know what it is that I am writing about and who it is that I am writing to so I can organize my efforts accordingly. 

I declared myself a professional writer on January 01, 2013. In reality, I have been making my living off my laptop for the last 15 years or more. This is my personal Blog - I don't selling anything here and I never will (there may come a day when you will see advertising in my sidebar but I promise - no pop ups and no soliciting. This is where I share my experiences and thoughts with the world.

As for a definition so far I have come up with: 

"'Notes from the Edge' is about me, Sam Edge, sharing my experience, strength and hope with the other Humans about how I get along in the World by trying to do the next right thing."

So, I have been writing as a professional for awhile now. It has become part of who I am, part of my  experiences - since this is where I share my experiences I thought I would share how that's been going so far.

I am still feeling out the freelance writing landscape - and it is a jungle out there. Up until January, I took on all kinds of other project responsibilities including the report writing and business communications. Translating this into viable freelance experience has been challenging. The job boards are very competitive. I have been offered as low as $1 for 500 words. This would equal between $10 and $50 a week. The crazy thing is there is competition out there at this price. 

I have managed to earn a few thousand dollars freelancing since I made my declaration in January.  This has come from online job boards like Elance, Guru and Craigs List. I would say I am running about 5% of what I apply for on these sites. At this rate of approval this is tough slugging - I am spending more time applying for work than writing. 

I had to set a minimum that I am willing to work for. For me anything less  than 10 cents a word is just not worth it. The two sites I have added recently are Freelance Switch and Funds For Writers. Freelance Switch cost $7 a month and there aren't a million jobs, but the ones they do have are decent paying and there isn't 500 people bidding at 5 cents a page. FFW has newsletters and gives "freelance markets tips" these are direct contact with magazines and periodicals that publish freelance writing. The pay is good - between 10 cents to $2 / word. To make it in this industry you have to break into these markets.

The biggest problem I have is the sheer volume of information out there it is so easy to get sidetracked and spend a whole day wading through websites with no results. I also have the two blogs where I post my opinion, poetry and short stories. As I said earlier, this blog is where I can share pieces of myself trying to help others and establishing a bit of a presence on the web. My other blog Collateral Damn-Edge is purely for the love of writing. Lately I have been doing more pieces but short ones - mostly poems. This is vital for preventing atrophy of my writing muscles - and I love it. I love the English langaue and how ofter all these years there are still incalculable combinations of words and punctuation that have never been done ... yet. I believe: 

"the right words, in the right order at the right time can change the world".  

I don't think I heard that anywhere else, but it could have been said before - until I find another person who claims this I am taking credit.... and you can quote me.

The point I was trying to make is that between looking for work and writing for fun there's not much left over for making money. I am still working on the whole balance thing in my life. My experience is that I have to make all these mistakes at least once. I very much appreciate the veteran writer who takes their time to advise us newbies and offer direction.  So in turn I will share the bits of useful information as it comes my way. 

The good news for writers is that there is an abundance of freelance writing work out there and hardworking competent writers will always be in demand. I love writing this blog and I will continue to do so freely and as authentically as I can along with my poetry and fiction on the sister blog "Collateral Damn-edge". I am always nagging my readers to leave Comments - its the only way I know I'm not talking to myself. If you don't like commenting you can just click the gadget on the sidebar menu that looks says:

"me + you = us"

Sorry about the long post but I do think that we as a community need to stick together by sharing our experiences. Plus what do you expect - a short post? I am a writer  after all...

Respectfully from the Edge

The Edge on Easter

Happy Easter,

Looking out my office window today :)

Easter is my favourite holiday. Not because I now live in a Christian house - which I do. I married a very Christian wife and I became a Christian by default. I don't attend the services much - I call myself "Christian Light" or  a "Decaffeinated Christian" - but I do believe in God and the trinity. Where I get in trouble with my Christian brothers is I also believe in the Buddha and the Native American Creator and even some of the ideas around Intelligent Design. Even if you're not Christian, the Easter Story has a lot of relevant meaning. 

For years I thought Easter was when Jesus came out of his cave and if he saw his shadow it was 6 weeks until spring.

My wife informed me that's not the case. It about rebirth. Well that's not much of a stretch. All I have to do is look out my window to be see rebirth. In my corner of the World we are melting out from under the last bits of winter this time of year. In some corners of the World there is no winter, and that must be cool to a certain degree, but I like my four seasons. 

Winter makes Spring better. 

For me it is nature that defines Spring and rebirth. The Sun gets stronger and warmer,  the plants and trees get greener and brighter, flowers start growing and the animals are waking up from their hibernation and coming into the valleys to drink from melting lakes and streams and have their babies ... 

It is rebirth - and it's my favourite time of year - the Christian story about Jesus rising from the dead fits nicely with all this.

Most doctors will only allow their patients to stop taking depression medication in spring because it is when people's spirits are the highest and depression levels are the lowest. I get seasonally depressed - but for me it's in the Summer because I've got my winter fat and I don't look too good in a bathing suit anymore :s 

Easter is a good time of year for Mulligans - or  Do-overs. We get a nice four-day weekend to reflect on how our year is going so far. Its been a few months since New Years resolution and maybe we aren't where thought we'd be.  Easter is the time for new beginnings so why not cut ourselves some slack today. Take a little inventory of where we are and where we want to be and start over - reset starting .... NOW! I've come to understand suffering is optional. 

So today I'm opting out of suffering. 

Hey, I still have eight months left in the year to take it all back but a fresh start today won't hurt. Who knows maybe it will even stick. So, anyways, happy Easter Folks! Enjoy some family time, easter bunny chocolate, turkey and don't forget to give yourself a break.

Respectfully From the Edge.

The Edge of Irish ..

Happy St Patrick day! I hope you all found something green to wear today. 

I was thinking about how we identify ourselves and what it really means to be Irish. I call myself Irish mostly because being Irish is cool lately - not so much a hundred years ago. But really the only nationality I can identify myself with is a Canadian and even that is questionable because my father was born in London England. The truth is I am quite the mutt - although there is definitely a British Island theme to my genealogy. 

So, here it goes - I am:

1. British
2. Irish
3. Scottish 
4. Welsh
5. German

Which makes me an arrogant, alcoholic, cheapskate with a quick temper and a superiority complex. My one Grandpa was mostly Irish but ironically he came from Manchester England.  Basically the Brits came over to Ireland and took his shit and put him to work in the coal mines, or so the story goes. 

I'm not sure what any of this really means but when we get to that point of our life where we really start questioning who we are, this whole lack of national identity doesn't help. Being Canadian doesn't make it any clearer. 

We Canadians are defined by our lack of definition. 

So when people ask me what Nationality I am I have been saying Irish - but technically I'm Irish-ish. I am really just as British - maybe even more so. But after Braveheart who wants to be British - thanks for that Mel Gibson.  

I've written before about being "fragmented". This whole idea that in different circumstances we act different to try to fit in with the other Humans. Over the years this fragmentation takes it's toll on our identity and we can lose ourselves in the Mythology we have created when trying to define ourselves.

The antithesis of fragmentation is individuation - the reconciliation of the fact that we are defined as a sum of our parts - not any one random piece of the puzzle. The truth is that I'm not any one of these Nationalities - I'm all of them.  I'm not Irish per say - but being Irish is part of who I am. We are all a unique combination of biology, genealogy, experiences and reactions that has never been put together in exactly the same way as it has in you or me. 

Thank God for that!  

This is the core of "Notes from the Edge" - it is my attempt to explain Life from the outside looking in. As an individual, unique in every way, constructed by a series of random events, I am the sum of those events - this Chaos. Embracing this Chaos as my true Creator, giving up on fighting and vainly trying to control conditions beyond control is the path to freedom from the bondage of Self. It is how I am able to exist in peace and harmony with my surroundings and the  other Humans. 

So, happy St Patricks Day whether your Irish or Irish-ish or just another Misfit trying to get through the day as best you can. 

In honor of my Irish Grandpa I'll leave you with this Old Irish Verse

May the roads rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sunshine warmly on your face.

And the rains fall softly upon your fields.

And until we meet again

May God hold you 

In the palm of His hand. 

Respectfully from The Edge.

The Edge on Reconciliation

There is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. 

One of my early posts in my Notes from the Edge was on forgiveness. You can follow the link and have a look but I basically explore the idea that we, as Humans, need to forgive to get past the wreckage of our pasts and also to overcome the guilt and shame that is associated with our own wrong doings that may require forgiveness.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" sums it up nicely.

The thing about forgiveness is that we can do it in isolation of the other Humans - it is between us and Our Creator / The Universe / God / god. There is peace that comes from forgiveness and there is no question it is a noble pursuit - but we can forgive completely and still have broken relationships. The relationship may stay broken because, even though there is true forgiveness, there is not reconciliation.

Reconciliation involves both parties of the wrong that required forgiveness to get together and "reconcile" their differences.

This can be tricky. I can forgive but still acknowledge that the person who wronged me is in the wrong and although they are forgiven their actions are still not condoned. It only requires an act of passive benevolence to forgive. To reconcile we need a willing partner - we also need to be willing. 

Do we want to be right or happy?

If we want to be happy it is not important to beat a confession out of the other party - we may be able to rise above the situation and be an agent of reconciliation. But we must be careful not to sell ourselves out here. As humans we deserve closure on wrongs done and that closure is in the hands of those that wronged us. 

We run the risk of exposing ourselves to further wrongs, even abuse, by chasing after unattainable closure. 

Ultimately we have to make that call. When reconciliation is attainable I believe that we need to do everything we can to achieve it. When it's not we need to throw in the towel early and not "throw good money after bad" as it were.

We shouldn't let the vain pursuit of reconciliation undermine the good works we have accomplished in forgiveness. 

When we are dealing with primary relationships this is difficult - to let go of closure. To accept that there is no hope for reconciliation. This is emotionally charged territory and we are unlikely to make good decisions all the time. We should step back a,nd borrow a page from the Alcoholics Saying:

God, Grant me the Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can 

and the wisdom to know the difference

Respectfully, from the Edge

The Edge on Fatherhood

I enjoyed the Misfit Trilogy and muddling my way though the idea "fitting in". Writing about some of my experiences in "Notes from the Edge"  and some of my fictions in "Collateral Damn-edge", (or is it the other way around?) has become a journey of self discovery and changed perceptions. Invariably when I try to report to you folks something about myself - it's not something I already knew - it is new information that I uncover about myself and the World around me during the writing process. 

When I transfer thoughts from my brain to the page, I realize how little I really know and understand about myself. 

Sempei ... Sempei

Every time I write a post it's as much of a surprise to me as anyone else where I end up. When I started this post, for instance, I was going to write about being a father. That's why I called it "The Edge of Fatherhood". Now I have only have a couple hundred words left to get on topic. I suppose I could wait until the post is written before I commit to a title .. but I don't. I stubbornly force feed my post some sentences that link up with my title. Now that's a Misfit.

I re-read my Misfit Trilogy today and realized that it was loaded with new information. So many of my thoughts are based on old ideas and I have truly come to appreciate it when new ones pop up. During the few days when I was writing my Misfit posts, circling around the topic, I changed some of my perceptions.

Not earth shattering, epiphany type changes ... tweaks. 

As I muddle, trudge and stumble my way though life, trying to do the next right thing, that's really what its come down to ... tweaks. Small and conscious changes in my perceptions and understandings that make my life better and make me a better father, writer and yes even a better misfit. I am starting to finally play well with the other Misfits. This ability to change perceptions is not easy to come by. I have certain old ideas that I have been locked up in for years - Some I still am and others it's a work in progress. But even though these ideas are old and sometimes unhealthy they are comfortable - I know what I'm up against. New ideas don't feel right - they're like new clothes all stiff and scratchy. I had to be beat into a state of reasonableness by Life to become willing to take on these new ideas and break them in.

Circumstance rather than virtue is the Story of my Life. 

After all the complicated self-examination and lofty verbiage I have a "new idea". I have come to the grand conclusion that I should treat Life the way I want to be treated. I should do to Life what I want Life to do to me.  This sounds strangely familiar. I am pretty sure I've heard this before...

I receive compassion when I act compassionately - respect when I act respectfully.

I lost this basic bit of Life along the way some how. I may be a Misfit but no more than the next guy. Life is messy and unpredictable and we all have to find our way. When I embrace the messiness and just keep trudging things go well and when I try to figure it out and fix it - not so much.

If I can help my kids figure this out a little quicker than I did I would be getting a little "Edge on Fatherhood"?

Respectfully from the Edge.

The Edge on LIfe - Part 3

This is the final instalment of my Three Part Post on "The Edge of Life". So far we have discussed mostly what I call the Misfit Paradigm. That is, that there is a group of Humans that have this inherent feeling that they do not fit - Mistfits. 

This inherent feeling is elusive and unshakable and manifests itself in this particular Misfit as restlessness, discontentment and an inescapable feeling that there is something missing - something more out there.

Photo Credit: www.onlineradio.hk

Jeff Goins' book "Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life" is based on young people working in some of the poorest parts of the world and how they become Wrecked from the experience (among other things).

He describes being Wrecked as follows:

".. to be “wrecked” ... means to have a redemptive transformation, often catalyzed by a brush with the pain of a dying world... being wrecked means that everything you believe about this world, yourself, and your destiny is now in question. Because you’ve seen something larger..."

As a Misfit I immediately identified with being "Wrecked". I have always had a deep sense of something larger, of the inequities in our dying world and how the priorities of our consumer culture have become distorted. 

In my case this knowledge did not lead to a noble pursuit such as working with missionaries in poverty stricken regions - I took a more classic, rebellious approach - such as lighting poop-filled paper bags on fire and running away. Rather than providing service I engaged in conflict. My heart was in the right place but I was acting out of anger and frustration rather than adding value with tolerance and compassion.  

As a result my Misfit status took a negative connotation and my conflict with the Humans became more acute. As a twenty-something I was spinning my tires in frustration. The ineffectiveness of my approach had become apparent. 

My Newest Misfit

My "redemptive transformation" came after I was already Wrecked. I came to understand that I needed to move towards the positive rather than away from the negative. 

This simple change in thinking marked a profound paradigm shift. My ability to affect change increased exponentially. I went back to school and became educated far beyond my intelligence.  I found a career in Community Development working in Rural Indigenous Communities building houses, playgrounds and employment opportunities. I created a successful consulting business, a home and a family. I became part of the solution - being a Wrecked Misfit, once my greatest weakness, became my most valuable asset.

Don't get me wrong, freedom from the shackles of negativity is a work in progress. I learn the hard way and I seem to make every mistake at least once. My Uncle once called me "the King of Adversity". I took this as a great compliment. I didn't bother to point out that I created most of my own adversity. My ex recently described me as a "train wreck" ... well she's half right. 

This is how I am Wrecked and why I don't fit - and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today I am moving in the right direction. I embrace the Misfit Paradigm as the heart and soul of my internal compass. I root for the underdog and listen to those with no voice. I believe the strong should protect the weak, not eat them (well not all of them). When I stumble and give into one of my litany of shortcomings I am able to draw on the experience of those Misfits who went before me, dust myself off and move on. More often than not I am better for the experience. I believe that there is a relationship between my ability to fail and succeed - and as a result I embrace both success and failure. 

Life is short and there is allot of work to do. There is no time to waste on the small stuff.

Through this Three Part Post I have moved through some of the big chunks of who I am and what I believe.

I hope some of you Misfits can relate. 

I mentioned in the first installment of this series that my Blog Title is riddled with double meaning. Parts 1 & 2 were titled "The Edge of Life". The underlying meaning being, as a Misfit, I have felt I am on the outside looking in on much of Life. This 3rd and final Part is Titled "The Edge on Life". The underlying meaning is that with our new perceptions of being a Wrecked Misfit we now have an advantage, or an Edge, on Life.

Watch this short video if you've ever doubted yourself ...

Respectfully, From the Edge.

The Edge of Expectation

"My happiness is directly proportional to my expectations."

It would be nice if people, places and things did what I expected them to do. Placing any sort of expectations on the Humans and their erratic behaviour is especially precarious. The closer our relationship is to the Human in question the more currency the expectation carries.

We all want to be treated with respect. If some schmo walking down the street doesn't smile  back at me when I walk by I may be mildly irritated at the rude behaviour - but it will be fleeting and mild.  Now if I tell a girl I am dating I love her and she asks me to pass the ketchup I will lose sleep and my feelings will be intense and unpleasant. This is because I had an expectation of how she would behave. 

When we do something to make another person feel better with no expectation of reward we are acting out of what I call Authentic Love.  If I walk passed my child's door and I see that her blanket has fallen off I sneak into the room very quietly and pull the blanket up over her so she is warm and feels safe. I take great pleasure in this and I have no expectation of reward.  In fact, not getting caught is essential.

For me, the inverse relationship between expectation and happiness is most acute in the Family. I have heard it said that "anyone who had parents suffered some form of abuse". Most of us have some sort of weird little neurosis related to our parents and our expectation of how we should be treated.  This peculiar and common tension is further complicated by differences in values and respect indicators created by personality differences and generation gaps.

I believe that all Humans have the right to be respected. In fact, I demand a certain level of respect from those who I allow in my life. This presents another problem with family - we didn't choose them. So when my expectation of respect is not being met I'm forced to ride out the relationship to the bitter and miserable end.

Or am I?

When our expectation of respect is not met in a relationship that we are born into we have to rise above that expectation. I do this by doubling down on Authentic Love. Authentic Love fill's the hole left by my unmet expectations. In fact, sometimes the expectation fades away completely. 

The act of committing random, secret acts of Authentic Love is the antidote for unmet expectations. And here's the secret - these acts don't even have to be perpetrated on the same Humans that are not meeting your expectation of respect. Any Human will do - the more deserving the better.

There is a magic that happens when we incorporate Authentic Love into our lives. The importance of the expectation fades and sometimes goes away entirely. Sometimes we suddenly realize our expectations are being met and when they are not we are able to feel compassion rather than resentment. 

Eventually they will come around. In the mean time with all of us in the Edgosphere running around committing random acts of Authentic Love the World will be a better place! So keep you're head up folks and when the Humans fall short of your expectations just Smile and Wave.

Respectfully, From the Edge

The Edge of Honesty

"I have always told you some version of the truth." Jack Nicholson, Something's Gotta Give, 2003

We all know there are no versions of the truth - the truth is the truth. That being said, no one holds the patent on being right. Two people can disagree and both be right ... but I digress.

This is a follow up post to the "Edge of Fear" posted a few hours ago. That post ended with the statement:

Photo Credit Disney

"The only way to truly overcome the defences we build up to protect our fears is through Psychological Honesty" (or words to that effect.)

It has always been a point of personal pride that I have identified and maintained a level of Psychological Honesty.To explain Psychological Honesty I will give an example of Psychological Dishonesty.

I don't like "Fred" because he stole a girl from me 15 years ago. My wife wants me to go a dinner party with Fred and his wife (my old flame). I pick a fight with my wife and stomp off and go to my buddies to watch football because we aren't getting along now she doesn't want to go to the party. I do all this without acknowledging that I picked the fight to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

So in order to overcome the fear I have of facing Fred I have lied to myself. It is a obvious ploy but my need to avoid Fear is so great I ignore the obvious and even blame my wife for the whole thing.

This may seem like a silly example. But I see versions of this type of self deception all the time. I like to think I am above these shenanigans - but the stronger the Fear, the more ridiculous stunts we pull to avoid it. It is often obvious and frustrating to the spouse, or whomever, you are pulling these stunts on.

Now if I would do that to avoid Fred - what would I do to avoid running into someone I really hurt or who really hurt me. This is how we become fragmented, and our Authentic Self becomes buried in a labyrinth of self-deception and denial ... all supported by our old frienemy - Fear.

We have to put a stop to this childish and pathetic behaviour if we expect to expose the Bogey man that is Fear. We must be Psychologically Honest and expose these ridiculous lies to the light that dissolves them and allows our Authentic Selves to shine through.

As Carl Jung puts it: "it is the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."

Its simple ... but not easy.

Respectfully, from the Edge.
The Edge on Strategy

Edge of Perfection

If you have been checking out the site this week you will have noticed a number of changes to the page layout and features. I have been quietly obsessing over it the last week. I've been getting some great advice from some Blogging and Writing Forums I joined and I can't thank those folks enough.

I was rebelling against the "Black Font on White Background Paradigm." I find this is so accepted that all Blogs are taking on a uni-blog appearance with little ability to set your design out from the pack. That being said everyone else in the know about on-line print swears by this colour combo as the best to attract and keep readers. In fact, it is the first consistent thing that I noticed when I started cruising Guru Blogs.

I ended up with a little of something for everyone. I kept my bold colours and cool fonts but restricted them to the sidebars, backgrounds and headings. On the posting area I stuck to the white background with black font that everyone loves. I even have a little Celtic art looking background to help me stay connected to my Tribal roots.

There are so many good, free, templates at Blogger.com and once you get the hang of the Advanced Custom Design feature the combinations are endless. I get picky, anal, and generally difficult when it comes to what I want. Unfortunately, I am not good enough at website design to be that picky. With the custom CSS feature the possibilities are endless. I am not very good at CSS, or any code writing, so I got CSS for Dummies - its was over my head. So now I am looking for CSS for monkeys. If that's too much it may have to be CSS for Mollusks. 

I chose the "Picture Window Theme" I like the layout and the variety of configuration sidebar windows.  It is themes where you can make your individual mark on your page with picture windows. I went through many before finding the right one and landed on the flowers and hummingbird as I thought it captured how I see the Blog.  This is the template I started with, the top 1/3 is the Custom Design  so you can see how much room there is for personalizing these templates.

I am actually on a short holiday (48 hrs.) with the kids. I am writing this poolside.  I have managed to get in touch with some great support group for Blogging and Writing so I may be making changes as they review my site and provide input for improvements. I am urging comments from you, my readers, regarding:

1. Content - topics chosen, if you agree, clarification, what do you like, what don't you like

2. Design - Any Questions, does it look good? Does it read easy? What would you do?

3. Format - Posts  length, cursing, frequency how many per week, 

I just started this Blog and, for all my faults, the one thing I can do is write. I am committed to constantly improving content and will always give my best. If you are looking for a new Blogger that wants to build a community and exchange ideas with you - that's me. At your service. Let me know what you like - I will do more of that. Let me know what you don't like. I will stop doing that.  

Join the Information Entertainment Revolution, where content builds success and the viewer directly drives  content! 

The Revolution is growing on the backs of pinheads like me who can afford to spend 20 hrs or more per week and not get paid and who toughed it out through three years of University English before we realised we were about to get a degree in unemployment. Ugh. Too late! We already read all the Great Authors and not only were we stuck loving them and their works, we developed a passion for the Art of Writing Prose and Poetry, this love will never leave us.

Respectfully, From the Edge

The Edge of Grief

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” C.S Lewis

Ever had the sense of impending doom? I have. For most of my life I have walked around with the feeling that the shoe was about to drop. So far it never really has but the feeling that it ultimately will is unshakable. When I try to get to the origin ... I can't. There is no logical reason to have this feeling - but there it is.

I used to joke that while I was sleeping my mind was awake plotting against me. Hovering above me staring at me waiting for me to wake up. Something like this:

ME "Yawn ... what a beautiful day!"

BRAIN "How's that retirement going asshole"
And there it is my first 10 seconds of the day and I'm fucked. Ugh. I have come to believe the elusive origin of the dark cloud that hovers around masquerading as fear is actually grief. Now we usually think of grief in terms of someone close to us dying - but any deep loss can cause grief. And grief is one of those slippery feelings that tricks you into thinking its something else. It's common to refer to the 5 stages of grief:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression 
5. Acceptance

These stages of grief are no picnic in their own right. So its not a stretch to say that GRIEF SUCKS. (T-shirt Idea???) It sucks so bad that our minds squirt off to less painful endeavours that, with the exception of acceptance, are based in fear - which also sucks.

What are we afraid of? Feeling that deep sense of loss, I guess. I have had to deal with my share of loss. My paternal father died when I was young and I handled it poorly. I went straight to anger. The anger, more like rage really, was so bad that ultimately I was forced to deal with it or it would have unraveled me. I was finally able to come to acceptance after a good round of depression. In the mean time two of my three Grandpas also passed on.

By the time my third grandpa passed I was able grieve in "real time". I was able to comfort my other family members, rather than make them more worried. I was able to feel the sense of loss in a more reasonable time frame and did not carry the denial and anger with me for years as I had before. When I held on to those toxic emotions they compounded and turned on me creating a whole new set of troubles. In a relatively short time I was able to reach a level of acceptance around his death and the other loved ones who had passed on before him.

I believe that the spirit, or whatever it is that guides us through life, is like a muscle and if you don't exercise it you get "spiritual atrophy". On the other hand, when you exercise your spirit it remembers the path you took like "muscle memory". So the first time I dealt with grief I had no muscle memory. Through the pain caused by the loss of my father, I was forced to find my way to acceptance. Now that I've been there once each time after gets easier.

So why the black cloud? Well, I have had other deep losses in my life. Through a series of unfortunate events, I had to cut my childhood short. I can trace the feeling of impending doom to those events. That sense of loss has caused me all kinds of problems in my life - especially in dealing with the Humans.

I wasted many years denying, raging, bargaining and wallowing in depression. It was only after internalizing the lessons I learned from the passing of my father that I was able to find the peace that comes with acceptance. I still pinball all around the five stages of grief. Happily I am spending more and more time in acceptance... Thanks Dad

Respectfully, form the Edge

The Edge on Success

I have certainly had my share of successes and failures in my life. In fact, in my experience failure seems to be a rite of passage to success. I wouldn't want to give the young people the wrong idea - if you can go straight to success and skip the failures by all means .. do that. The point is - don't fear the failures, embrace them, because they make the successes all that much sweeter.

I took a management seminar early in my career where the speaker referred to a progression we move through in our professional lives as shown below.

Survival ----; Stability ----; Success ----; Significance

The idea of a progressive movement through these stages of existence identifies, not only the growth we experience as Humans, but also that success is not an end in itself but a step towards Significance. We all move though this process in our lives with varying speed and efficiency. Significance is where we use lessons learned in Survival and Stability and the resources we acquired through our Successes to give back and help others.  

Significance will mean something different to each of us. The metric by which we will gage our Significance will be based on our internal compass. The critical point here is that we ought to always move through our lives with the understanding that we are capable of Significance. By acknowledging this we save ourselves from falling into the mediocracy of Stability or the indulgence of Success - both comfortable states in their own right. 

Even though we know that we are headed towards Significance, most of us have little or no idea of how this will manifest itself in our lives. An orientation toward goals or a vision based on our internal compass is important. If we narrow it down much more than that we run the risk of selling ourselves short or missing it altogether. It has been my experience that I really don't know what's good for me. My successes have mostly involved me getting out of the way and working hard. 

I believe that if we are true to our beliefs and put 100% of our attention into doing "the next right thing" in our day to day lives we will move through this process in the most effortless and efficient manner.  Conversely the harder we try to project and force this to happen the  harder we will work and the end result will be watered down. 

As I move though the rest of the day, week, month, year and so on I will remember to focus my attention on the next right thing. As I look back and take inventory I will see that the Significance I have achieved in building families and communities is far better than if I had fixed myself on a goal and worked towards it with singleness of purpose. 

Respectfully, from the Edge