The Edge on Easter

Happy Easter,

Looking out my office window today :)

Easter is my favourite holiday. Not because I now live in a Christian house - which I do. I married a very Christian wife and I became a Christian by default. I don't attend the services much - I call myself "Christian Light" or  a "Decaffeinated Christian" - but I do believe in God and the trinity. Where I get in trouble with my Christian brothers is I also believe in the Buddha and the Native American Creator and even some of the ideas around Intelligent Design. Even if you're not Christian, the Easter Story has a lot of relevant meaning. 

For years I thought Easter was when Jesus came out of his cave and if he saw his shadow it was 6 weeks until spring.

My wife informed me that's not the case. It about rebirth. Well that's not much of a stretch. All I have to do is look out my window to be see rebirth. In my corner of the World we are melting out from under the last bits of winter this time of year. In some corners of the World there is no winter, and that must be cool to a certain degree, but I like my four seasons. 

Winter makes Spring better. 

For me it is nature that defines Spring and rebirth. The Sun gets stronger and warmer,  the plants and trees get greener and brighter, flowers start growing and the animals are waking up from their hibernation and coming into the valleys to drink from melting lakes and streams and have their babies ... 

It is rebirth - and it's my favourite time of year - the Christian story about Jesus rising from the dead fits nicely with all this.

Most doctors will only allow their patients to stop taking depression medication in spring because it is when people's spirits are the highest and depression levels are the lowest. I get seasonally depressed - but for me it's in the Summer because I've got my winter fat and I don't look too good in a bathing suit anymore :s 

Easter is a good time of year for Mulligans - or  Do-overs. We get a nice four-day weekend to reflect on how our year is going so far. Its been a few months since New Years resolution and maybe we aren't where thought we'd be.  Easter is the time for new beginnings so why not cut ourselves some slack today. Take a little inventory of where we are and where we want to be and start over - reset starting .... NOW! I've come to understand suffering is optional. 

So today I'm opting out of suffering. 

Hey, I still have eight months left in the year to take it all back but a fresh start today won't hurt. Who knows maybe it will even stick. So, anyways, happy Easter Folks! Enjoy some family time, easter bunny chocolate, turkey and don't forget to give yourself a break.

Respectfully From the Edge.

The Edge of Irish ..

Happy St Patrick day! I hope you all found something green to wear today. 

I was thinking about how we identify ourselves and what it really means to be Irish. I call myself Irish mostly because being Irish is cool lately - not so much a hundred years ago. But really the only nationality I can identify myself with is a Canadian and even that is questionable because my father was born in London England. The truth is I am quite the mutt - although there is definitely a British Island theme to my genealogy. 

So, here it goes - I am:

1. British
2. Irish
3. Scottish 
4. Welsh
5. German

Which makes me an arrogant, alcoholic, cheapskate with a quick temper and a superiority complex. My one Grandpa was mostly Irish but ironically he came from Manchester England.  Basically the Brits came over to Ireland and took his shit and put him to work in the coal mines, or so the story goes. 

I'm not sure what any of this really means but when we get to that point of our life where we really start questioning who we are, this whole lack of national identity doesn't help. Being Canadian doesn't make it any clearer. 

We Canadians are defined by our lack of definition. 

So when people ask me what Nationality I am I have been saying Irish - but technically I'm Irish-ish. I am really just as British - maybe even more so. But after Braveheart who wants to be British - thanks for that Mel Gibson.  

I've written before about being "fragmented". This whole idea that in different circumstances we act different to try to fit in with the other Humans. Over the years this fragmentation takes it's toll on our identity and we can lose ourselves in the Mythology we have created when trying to define ourselves.

The antithesis of fragmentation is individuation - the reconciliation of the fact that we are defined as a sum of our parts - not any one random piece of the puzzle. The truth is that I'm not any one of these Nationalities - I'm all of them.  I'm not Irish per say - but being Irish is part of who I am. We are all a unique combination of biology, genealogy, experiences and reactions that has never been put together in exactly the same way as it has in you or me. 

Thank God for that!  

This is the core of "Notes from the Edge" - it is my attempt to explain Life from the outside looking in. As an individual, unique in every way, constructed by a series of random events, I am the sum of those events - this Chaos. Embracing this Chaos as my true Creator, giving up on fighting and vainly trying to control conditions beyond control is the path to freedom from the bondage of Self. It is how I am able to exist in peace and harmony with my surroundings and the  other Humans. 

So, happy St Patricks Day whether your Irish or Irish-ish or just another Misfit trying to get through the day as best you can. 

In honor of my Irish Grandpa I'll leave you with this Old Irish Verse

May the roads rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sunshine warmly on your face.

And the rains fall softly upon your fields.

And until we meet again

May God hold you 

In the palm of His hand. 

Respectfully from The Edge.

The Edge on Reconciliation

There is a huge difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. 

One of my early posts in my Notes from the Edge was on forgiveness. You can follow the link and have a look but I basically explore the idea that we, as Humans, need to forgive to get past the wreckage of our pasts and also to overcome the guilt and shame that is associated with our own wrong doings that may require forgiveness.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" sums it up nicely.

The thing about forgiveness is that we can do it in isolation of the other Humans - it is between us and Our Creator / The Universe / God / god. There is peace that comes from forgiveness and there is no question it is a noble pursuit - but we can forgive completely and still have broken relationships. The relationship may stay broken because, even though there is true forgiveness, there is not reconciliation.

Reconciliation involves both parties of the wrong that required forgiveness to get together and "reconcile" their differences.

This can be tricky. I can forgive but still acknowledge that the person who wronged me is in the wrong and although they are forgiven their actions are still not condoned. It only requires an act of passive benevolence to forgive. To reconcile we need a willing partner - we also need to be willing. 

Do we want to be right or happy?

If we want to be happy it is not important to beat a confession out of the other party - we may be able to rise above the situation and be an agent of reconciliation. But we must be careful not to sell ourselves out here. As humans we deserve closure on wrongs done and that closure is in the hands of those that wronged us. 

We run the risk of exposing ourselves to further wrongs, even abuse, by chasing after unattainable closure. 

Ultimately we have to make that call. When reconciliation is attainable I believe that we need to do everything we can to achieve it. When it's not we need to throw in the towel early and not "throw good money after bad" as it were.

We shouldn't let the vain pursuit of reconciliation undermine the good works we have accomplished in forgiveness. 

When we are dealing with primary relationships this is difficult - to let go of closure. To accept that there is no hope for reconciliation. This is emotionally charged territory and we are unlikely to make good decisions all the time. We should step back a,nd borrow a page from the Alcoholics Saying:

God, Grant me the Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can 

and the wisdom to know the difference

Respectfully, from the Edge

The Edge on Fatherhood

I enjoyed the Misfit Trilogy and muddling my way though the idea "fitting in". Writing about some of my experiences in "Notes from the Edge"  and some of my fictions in "Collateral Damn-edge", (or is it the other way around?) has become a journey of self discovery and changed perceptions. Invariably when I try to report to you folks something about myself - it's not something I already knew - it is new information that I uncover about myself and the World around me during the writing process. 

When I transfer thoughts from my brain to the page, I realize how little I really know and understand about myself. 

Sempei ... Sempei

Every time I write a post it's as much of a surprise to me as anyone else where I end up. When I started this post, for instance, I was going to write about being a father. That's why I called it "The Edge of Fatherhood". Now I have only have a couple hundred words left to get on topic. I suppose I could wait until the post is written before I commit to a title .. but I don't. I stubbornly force feed my post some sentences that link up with my title. Now that's a Misfit.

I re-read my Misfit Trilogy today and realized that it was loaded with new information. So many of my thoughts are based on old ideas and I have truly come to appreciate it when new ones pop up. During the few days when I was writing my Misfit posts, circling around the topic, I changed some of my perceptions.

Not earth shattering, epiphany type changes ... tweaks. 

As I muddle, trudge and stumble my way though life, trying to do the next right thing, that's really what its come down to ... tweaks. Small and conscious changes in my perceptions and understandings that make my life better and make me a better father, writer and yes even a better misfit. I am starting to finally play well with the other Misfits. This ability to change perceptions is not easy to come by. I have certain old ideas that I have been locked up in for years - Some I still am and others it's a work in progress. But even though these ideas are old and sometimes unhealthy they are comfortable - I know what I'm up against. New ideas don't feel right - they're like new clothes all stiff and scratchy. I had to be beat into a state of reasonableness by Life to become willing to take on these new ideas and break them in.

Circumstance rather than virtue is the Story of my Life. 

After all the complicated self-examination and lofty verbiage I have a "new idea". I have come to the grand conclusion that I should treat Life the way I want to be treated. I should do to Life what I want Life to do to me.  This sounds strangely familiar. I am pretty sure I've heard this before...

I receive compassion when I act compassionately - respect when I act respectfully.

I lost this basic bit of Life along the way some how. I may be a Misfit but no more than the next guy. Life is messy and unpredictable and we all have to find our way. When I embrace the messiness and just keep trudging things go well and when I try to figure it out and fix it - not so much.

If I can help my kids figure this out a little quicker than I did I would be getting a little "Edge on Fatherhood"?

Respectfully from the Edge.

The Edge on LIfe - Part 3

This is the final instalment of my Three Part Post on "The Edge of Life". So far we have discussed mostly what I call the Misfit Paradigm. That is, that there is a group of Humans that have this inherent feeling that they do not fit - Mistfits. 

This inherent feeling is elusive and unshakable and manifests itself in this particular Misfit as restlessness, discontentment and an inescapable feeling that there is something missing - something more out there.

Photo Credit: www.onlineradio.hk

Jeff Goins' book "Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life" is based on young people working in some of the poorest parts of the world and how they become Wrecked from the experience (among other things).

He describes being Wrecked as follows:

".. to be “wrecked” ... means to have a redemptive transformation, often catalyzed by a brush with the pain of a dying world... being wrecked means that everything you believe about this world, yourself, and your destiny is now in question. Because you’ve seen something larger..."

As a Misfit I immediately identified with being "Wrecked". I have always had a deep sense of something larger, of the inequities in our dying world and how the priorities of our consumer culture have become distorted. 

In my case this knowledge did not lead to a noble pursuit such as working with missionaries in poverty stricken regions - I took a more classic, rebellious approach - such as lighting poop-filled paper bags on fire and running away. Rather than providing service I engaged in conflict. My heart was in the right place but I was acting out of anger and frustration rather than adding value with tolerance and compassion.  

As a result my Misfit status took a negative connotation and my conflict with the Humans became more acute. As a twenty-something I was spinning my tires in frustration. The ineffectiveness of my approach had become apparent. 

My Newest Misfit

My "redemptive transformation" came after I was already Wrecked. I came to understand that I needed to move towards the positive rather than away from the negative. 

This simple change in thinking marked a profound paradigm shift. My ability to affect change increased exponentially. I went back to school and became educated far beyond my intelligence.  I found a career in Community Development working in Rural Indigenous Communities building houses, playgrounds and employment opportunities. I created a successful consulting business, a home and a family. I became part of the solution - being a Wrecked Misfit, once my greatest weakness, became my most valuable asset.

Don't get me wrong, freedom from the shackles of negativity is a work in progress. I learn the hard way and I seem to make every mistake at least once. My Uncle once called me "the King of Adversity". I took this as a great compliment. I didn't bother to point out that I created most of my own adversity. My ex recently described me as a "train wreck" ... well she's half right. 

This is how I am Wrecked and why I don't fit - and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today I am moving in the right direction. I embrace the Misfit Paradigm as the heart and soul of my internal compass. I root for the underdog and listen to those with no voice. I believe the strong should protect the weak, not eat them (well not all of them). When I stumble and give into one of my litany of shortcomings I am able to draw on the experience of those Misfits who went before me, dust myself off and move on. More often than not I am better for the experience. I believe that there is a relationship between my ability to fail and succeed - and as a result I embrace both success and failure. 

Life is short and there is allot of work to do. There is no time to waste on the small stuff.

Through this Three Part Post I have moved through some of the big chunks of who I am and what I believe.

I hope some of you Misfits can relate. 

I mentioned in the first installment of this series that my Blog Title is riddled with double meaning. Parts 1 & 2 were titled "The Edge of Life". The underlying meaning being, as a Misfit, I have felt I am on the outside looking in on much of Life. This 3rd and final Part is Titled "The Edge on Life". The underlying meaning is that with our new perceptions of being a Wrecked Misfit we now have an advantage, or an Edge, on Life.

Watch this short video if you've ever doubted yourself ...

Respectfully, From the Edge.