The Edge of Reason

"It's beter to keep your mouth shut and have people think you a fool than speak and remove all doubt." Mark Twain et. al.

I attributed the quote above to Mark Twain et. al. as there is some debate as to its genesis. Regardless of origin, this little pearl of wisdom has served me well. When I am unsure of where I stand or, more frequently, when I am not fit for Human consumption, I try to listen more and speak less. 

I learned this lesson only after many years of conflict, trial and error.

For most of my thirties I worked in an office with twenty-five employees. I was the only man. I worked there for seven years. I was in a senior management postion. Any authority I had over my employees was an illusion that I was allowed to entertain from time to time. 

Any true managing that I was able to achieve was through the art of strategic submission. I leaned more about how to get along with the Humans during those years than all the combined years before and since. Overall I managed to play well with the other kids. I learned to brush off the passive aggressive jabs that I had become accustom to having for lunch - for the most part.  

There were a few conflicts which I chose to engaged in with way too much vigor.

The delicate art of assertively setting and maintaining boundaries came slowly.  Rather, I spent many nights plotting revenge on those who I was convinced were picking on me. Ultimately I resorted to guerilla tactics. 

I would spend an entire week crafting an e-mail to be concise,  hard-hitting and full of double meaning and deniability. I fuelled fires with with phrases such as: "I understand how difficult ... I am happy to assist with ...  complex issues for a person of your .... given your limited ..." 

My objective was to exact revenge while maintaining deniability. 

At exactly 4:25 on Friday afternoon. I would send the e-mail, turn off my computer and go home for the weekend. I would be the last this the recipient would see before their weekend. They were left unable to respond. Monday they would be apoplectic. 

A little, little man   

Ultimately that job crashed into a mountain and I was eaten in the ensuing weeks. I will always be grateful for that experience. I was in the most precarious social situation I could imagine. As a result I have never since found a personality conflict I am unable to rise above. 

From this experience, I developed the single best strategy to promote peaceful relations with the Humans. I sleep on it - that's it. I don't react in the moment I go home and let it sit for a night. Almost all the time the problem resolves itself as I sleep. When it doesn't I am able to find a way to resolve it with out bloodshed or viscous e-mail campaigns. 

I still write e-mails to resolve resentments but I have my wife proofread them first. 

Today I know that I need to play well with the other kids. It's just not worth the price I pay. Besides, I need all the energy I have to be the best husband and father I can be.  I don't have the luxury of nursing resentments. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

The reason I went on this rant today was because I have been on a YouTube safari this past week checking out slam poetry and spoken word recitals. I was looking for inspiration from my own poetry and trying to get a feel for what goes on out there in the world. I even thought I could see where my place might be...  

The Edge on LIfe - Part 3

This is the final instalment of my Three Part Post on "The Edge of Life". So far we have discussed mostly what I call the Misfit Paradigm. That is, that there is a group of Humans that have this inherent feeling that they do not fit - Mistfits. 

This inherent feeling is elusive and unshakable and manifests itself in this particular Misfit as restlessness, discontentment and an inescapable feeling that there is something missing - something more out there.

Photo Credit: www.onlineradio.hk

Jeff Goins' book "Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life" is based on young people working in some of the poorest parts of the world and how they become Wrecked from the experience (among other things).

He describes being Wrecked as follows:

".. to be “wrecked” ... means to have a redemptive transformation, often catalyzed by a brush with the pain of a dying world... being wrecked means that everything you believe about this world, yourself, and your destiny is now in question. Because you’ve seen something larger..."

As a Misfit I immediately identified with being "Wrecked". I have always had a deep sense of something larger, of the inequities in our dying world and how the priorities of our consumer culture have become distorted. 

In my case this knowledge did not lead to a noble pursuit such as working with missionaries in poverty stricken regions - I took a more classic, rebellious approach - such as lighting poop-filled paper bags on fire and running away. Rather than providing service I engaged in conflict. My heart was in the right place but I was acting out of anger and frustration rather than adding value with tolerance and compassion.  

As a result my Misfit status took a negative connotation and my conflict with the Humans became more acute. As a twenty-something I was spinning my tires in frustration. The ineffectiveness of my approach had become apparent. 

My Newest Misfit

My "redemptive transformation" came after I was already Wrecked. I came to understand that I needed to move towards the positive rather than away from the negative. 

This simple change in thinking marked a profound paradigm shift. My ability to affect change increased exponentially. I went back to school and became educated far beyond my intelligence.  I found a career in Community Development working in Rural Indigenous Communities building houses, playgrounds and employment opportunities. I created a successful consulting business, a home and a family. I became part of the solution - being a Wrecked Misfit, once my greatest weakness, became my most valuable asset.

Don't get me wrong, freedom from the shackles of negativity is a work in progress. I learn the hard way and I seem to make every mistake at least once. My Uncle once called me "the King of Adversity". I took this as a great compliment. I didn't bother to point out that I created most of my own adversity. My ex recently described me as a "train wreck" ... well she's half right. 

This is how I am Wrecked and why I don't fit - and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today I am moving in the right direction. I embrace the Misfit Paradigm as the heart and soul of my internal compass. I root for the underdog and listen to those with no voice. I believe the strong should protect the weak, not eat them (well not all of them). When I stumble and give into one of my litany of shortcomings I am able to draw on the experience of those Misfits who went before me, dust myself off and move on. More often than not I am better for the experience. I believe that there is a relationship between my ability to fail and succeed - and as a result I embrace both success and failure. 

Life is short and there is allot of work to do. There is no time to waste on the small stuff.

Through this Three Part Post I have moved through some of the big chunks of who I am and what I believe.

I hope some of you Misfits can relate. 

I mentioned in the first installment of this series that my Blog Title is riddled with double meaning. Parts 1 & 2 were titled "The Edge of Life". The underlying meaning being, as a Misfit, I have felt I am on the outside looking in on much of Life. This 3rd and final Part is Titled "The Edge on Life". The underlying meaning is that with our new perceptions of being a Wrecked Misfit we now have an advantage, or an Edge, on Life.

Watch this short video if you've ever doubted yourself ...

Respectfully, From the Edge.

The Edge of Fear

No one wants to admit they are afraid.

A little help?

A close, honest, look; however, will show that Fear underlies all kinds of more socially acceptable feelings and behaviours including: procrastination, frustration, anger, intolerance, greed, excessive ambition, idle indifference - even dieting and exercising can be driven by Fear ... the list goes on.

I have come to believe that in my life it is Fear that keeps me from relating to the other Humans as my uncensored, Authentic Self. That's the case with me - bonafide tough guy and misfit. Given this conclusion, managing Fear is the key to my happiness.

I will openly and freely admit to a zillion defects but rarely to their true source. Fear masquerading as other, more Manly, character flaws is deeply rooted in my psychology. So deep that in some cases the source of the Fear has been lost to memory and the only the Fear itself remains. An independent, soul sucking, force that no longer requires stimuli to sustain it's presence.

Efforts to find the origin of Fear has value but often ends up driving wedges between me and the other Humans, usually those closest to me. Luckily, it is the "What" of Fear that I must understand not the "Why". The "What" is:

Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real.  

Fear is the Boogieman, the monster under the bed that keeps me from getting up at night. Fear is a choice. When I peel back the psychological defences that have been protecting my Fears I turn Fear itself on its head and the "What" of Fear becomes:

Fear = Face Everything And Recover. 

By facing fear and acknowledging that Fear dies in the light I can stop letting it run my thoughts and actions and my Authentic Self can truly come out and play.  I can only eliminate those defences that protect my fears by practicing psychological honesty. Which I will discuss in detail in my next post "The Edge of Honesty".

Respectfully, from the Edge.