The Edge on LIfe - Part 3

This is the final instalment of my Three Part Post on "The Edge of Life". So far we have discussed mostly what I call the Misfit Paradigm. That is, that there is a group of Humans that have this inherent feeling that they do not fit - Mistfits. 

This inherent feeling is elusive and unshakable and manifests itself in this particular Misfit as restlessness, discontentment and an inescapable feeling that there is something missing - something more out there.

Photo Credit: www.onlineradio.hk

Jeff Goins' book "Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams into Your Comfortable Life" is based on young people working in some of the poorest parts of the world and how they become Wrecked from the experience (among other things).

He describes being Wrecked as follows:

".. to be “wrecked” ... means to have a redemptive transformation, often catalyzed by a brush with the pain of a dying world... being wrecked means that everything you believe about this world, yourself, and your destiny is now in question. Because you’ve seen something larger..."

As a Misfit I immediately identified with being "Wrecked". I have always had a deep sense of something larger, of the inequities in our dying world and how the priorities of our consumer culture have become distorted. 

In my case this knowledge did not lead to a noble pursuit such as working with missionaries in poverty stricken regions - I took a more classic, rebellious approach - such as lighting poop-filled paper bags on fire and running away. Rather than providing service I engaged in conflict. My heart was in the right place but I was acting out of anger and frustration rather than adding value with tolerance and compassion.  

As a result my Misfit status took a negative connotation and my conflict with the Humans became more acute. As a twenty-something I was spinning my tires in frustration. The ineffectiveness of my approach had become apparent. 

My Newest Misfit

My "redemptive transformation" came after I was already Wrecked. I came to understand that I needed to move towards the positive rather than away from the negative. 

This simple change in thinking marked a profound paradigm shift. My ability to affect change increased exponentially. I went back to school and became educated far beyond my intelligence.  I found a career in Community Development working in Rural Indigenous Communities building houses, playgrounds and employment opportunities. I created a successful consulting business, a home and a family. I became part of the solution - being a Wrecked Misfit, once my greatest weakness, became my most valuable asset.

Don't get me wrong, freedom from the shackles of negativity is a work in progress. I learn the hard way and I seem to make every mistake at least once. My Uncle once called me "the King of Adversity". I took this as a great compliment. I didn't bother to point out that I created most of my own adversity. My ex recently described me as a "train wreck" ... well she's half right. 

This is how I am Wrecked and why I don't fit - and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today I am moving in the right direction. I embrace the Misfit Paradigm as the heart and soul of my internal compass. I root for the underdog and listen to those with no voice. I believe the strong should protect the weak, not eat them (well not all of them). When I stumble and give into one of my litany of shortcomings I am able to draw on the experience of those Misfits who went before me, dust myself off and move on. More often than not I am better for the experience. I believe that there is a relationship between my ability to fail and succeed - and as a result I embrace both success and failure. 

Life is short and there is allot of work to do. There is no time to waste on the small stuff.

Through this Three Part Post I have moved through some of the big chunks of who I am and what I believe.

I hope some of you Misfits can relate. 

I mentioned in the first installment of this series that my Blog Title is riddled with double meaning. Parts 1 & 2 were titled "The Edge of Life". The underlying meaning being, as a Misfit, I have felt I am on the outside looking in on much of Life. This 3rd and final Part is Titled "The Edge on Life". The underlying meaning is that with our new perceptions of being a Wrecked Misfit we now have an advantage, or an Edge, on Life.

Watch this short video if you've ever doubted yourself ...

Respectfully, From the Edge.

The Edge of Life - Part 2

My all Time Favourite Misfit

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein 

When I started Blogging and attempting to build an online community I ran into the idea of a "Tribe". Bloggers that I aspire to be like when (and if) I grow up including Seth Godin, Jeff Goins, The Robert D and all those crazy talented content writers over at Copyblogger talk about their Tribe to describe the Global Online Community.

A Tribe forms by attraction to clearly presented and well thought out ideas and experiences written by Bloggers. These Tribes give life to a writer's work and ultimately become the driving force behind it.

For Misfits a Tribe can be extremely powerful.

The formation of a Tribe can alleviate some of the long term personal fragmentation and self-doubt built up over years of feeling "I don't fit". As a members of this Tribe, I am now able to focus more energy on being what God intended me to be:  a parent, spouse, friend, protector, provider and Human

I have more energy to be the best Sam I can be and focus on doing the next right thing.

A small Tribe is gathering around Notes from the Edge. I seem to be slowly attracting this Tribe of Misfits through nothing more than the development of Authentic and Experiential Content.

I found that I am not the only one in the Blogosphere who identifies with a Tribe of Misfits. Jeff Goines, wrote a short e-book entitled the Misfit Manifesto. I was forwarded a free copy of the Manifesto by joining +Jeff Goins' site.

The Manifesto not only embraced what I have come to call the Misfit Paradigm but also the concept being Wrecked., In fact, The Misfit Manifesto was a launching pad to Jeff's Book, Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life. The content of Jeffs writing closely mirrored my thoughts and feelings about my world view and value system. 

As I continuing on with this series of posts on the "Edge of Life" I will examine what it means to be Wrecked. how this relates to being a Misfit, and how this is working in my life and helping me in my ongoing efforts to do the Next Right Thing.

I would encourage you to read Jeff's Free E-book and if that makes sense to you read Wrecked available on his website Here.

I will send a copy of the E-book to my mailing list. It is a great read and only a couple of thousand words in lenght. If you are not on my e-mail list, please join my site by entering your e-mail in the "Follow by E-mail" Widget at the top of the right hand side bar and I will send an digital copy to you. Alternatively you can go to goinswriter.com and download it yourself.

Jeff has another great free e-book called the Writers Manifesto - which is basically a call to action for writers and available for download on his site.

As I wrote this Post it occurred to me that I have very openly referred my readers as Wrecked Misfits and this may not be a s flattering to others as it is to me.

Bear with me -  the Edge on Life is intended to be a three or four Post Series series. I am hoping that being a Wrecked Misfit will become something we will proudly identify ourselves with and even form a community bond around this idea once properly explored..

The Question I post to you ... If we get enough Misfits together doesn't that make THEM THE MISFITS!!!!!. 

The Misfit Revolution?

Ummm unlikely, but a great segway into to this song by another misfit.

To be continued ...

Respectfully, from the Edge

The Edge of LIfe - Part 1

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" Dr Suess

I don't "fit in".

It is a theme that has run throughout my life and been a driving force behind many of my successes and failures.  Not fitting in has become such a profound part of how I see myself that I have rated it in my top three self-identifying qualities.

"Sam Edge - Father, writer and misfit." 

My Blog title "Notes from the Edge" is loaded with personal double meanings. Most obviously it refers to me "Sam Edge - the Edge" writing notes. It refers to the Edginess of my Blog and overall personality. It can refer to gaining an advantage or "an Edge on" life. It can also refers to me writing "from the Edge of" life - or from the outside looking in. This last meaning ties into the "misfit paradigm" that I have adopted and the general subject of this post. 

As a self described "Misfit" I don't spend a lot of time at the meaty part of the curve, so to speak. Being either slightly ahead or behind the curve (depending on your perspective) is something that I have been aware of for as long as I can remember. I have done all kinds of crazy things to "fit in". I never really knew exactly what I was trying to fit into - I just knew I didn't fit. 

More recently I have found some peace with my Misfit status. In fact, I have come to embrace it. As I stumble down the road of individuation and self-discovery I have identified that there are other Misfits out there. Self-proclaimed and otherwise.  There appears to be a community of self identified Misfits emerging as bizarre and somewhat oxymoronic (pretty sure that's not a word - until now) phenomenon.

These Misfits hail from all corners of the world and exhibit varied experiences and values. The common thread that binds this community is they do not generally prescribe the same values and  conventions as the majority of Humans. For example, faced with the following standard: 

"Get out of High school, go to College, get married, 2.4 Kids and off ya go ..." (This is not a bad thing, by the way, it's just a thing)

A Misfit will likely respond to this proposal with a blank, uninterested look and some comment like: "Is that really important."

The majority of the Humans would call him a misfit, no job, no home, no family, no education - but he becomes inspired by Lance Armstrong and ends up taking the most nontraditional path back to the "mother ship".... So really who knows. In this case being a mistfit opened up door of opportunity that would otherwise not been available.

To be continued ...

Respectfully, from the Edge

The Edge of Expectation

"My happiness is directly proportional to my expectations."

It would be nice if people, places and things did what I expected them to do. Placing any sort of expectations on the Humans and their erratic behaviour is especially precarious. The closer our relationship is to the Human in question the more currency the expectation carries.

We all want to be treated with respect. If some schmo walking down the street doesn't smile  back at me when I walk by I may be mildly irritated at the rude behaviour - but it will be fleeting and mild.  Now if I tell a girl I am dating I love her and she asks me to pass the ketchup I will lose sleep and my feelings will be intense and unpleasant. This is because I had an expectation of how she would behave. 

When we do something to make another person feel better with no expectation of reward we are acting out of what I call Authentic Love.  If I walk passed my child's door and I see that her blanket has fallen off I sneak into the room very quietly and pull the blanket up over her so she is warm and feels safe. I take great pleasure in this and I have no expectation of reward.  In fact, not getting caught is essential.

For me, the inverse relationship between expectation and happiness is most acute in the Family. I have heard it said that "anyone who had parents suffered some form of abuse". Most of us have some sort of weird little neurosis related to our parents and our expectation of how we should be treated.  This peculiar and common tension is further complicated by differences in values and respect indicators created by personality differences and generation gaps.

I believe that all Humans have the right to be respected. In fact, I demand a certain level of respect from those who I allow in my life. This presents another problem with family - we didn't choose them. So when my expectation of respect is not being met I'm forced to ride out the relationship to the bitter and miserable end.

Or am I?

When our expectation of respect is not met in a relationship that we are born into we have to rise above that expectation. I do this by doubling down on Authentic Love. Authentic Love fill's the hole left by my unmet expectations. In fact, sometimes the expectation fades away completely. 

The act of committing random, secret acts of Authentic Love is the antidote for unmet expectations. And here's the secret - these acts don't even have to be perpetrated on the same Humans that are not meeting your expectation of respect. Any Human will do - the more deserving the better.

There is a magic that happens when we incorporate Authentic Love into our lives. The importance of the expectation fades and sometimes goes away entirely. Sometimes we suddenly realize our expectations are being met and when they are not we are able to feel compassion rather than resentment. 

Eventually they will come around. In the mean time with all of us in the Edgosphere running around committing random acts of Authentic Love the World will be a better place! So keep you're head up folks and when the Humans fall short of your expectations just Smile and Wave.

Respectfully, From the Edge